


a quiet morning

by andnowforyaya



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Band Fic, Depression, Gen, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-09
Updated: 2017-02-09
Packaged: 2018-09-23 04:33:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9640931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andnowforyaya/pseuds/andnowforyaya
Summary: When Kihyun is not the first to wake, Minhyuk goes to check on him.





	

Minhyuk woke first. This in itself was a rare occurrence. He threw the sheets off his body and sat up, scratching the back of his neck and squinting against the gray light that was filtering in through their curtains. The bed squeaked as he rolled off of it, shoving his feet into the slippers he kept by the side of his bed. "Hey," Minhyuk whispered into the room, "anyone need the shower?"

The response was lackluster. Minhyuk shrugged and arose. They'd moved into a new dorm recently, and though he missed the old one, he appreciated how much more space they had now. It didn't feel like seven boys were crawling over each other at all times anymore, even if sometimes when things were tough a seven-member pile-up on the couch in the living room was exactly what they needed.

They'd drawn straws to choose beds. Minhyuk got third pick, and chose a bottom bunk in one of the rooms. Kihyun had picked the bunk above his, and they shared the room with Hoseok and Changkyun. Hyunwoo, Hyungwon, and Jooheon had the other room. 

No one was up when Minhyuk got into the shower, but by the time he was done and stepping out of it, towel around his shoulders and wearing a pair of old boxers, Hyungwon and Changkyun had appeared in the living room, each napping on the cushions of the couch. He heard Hoseok in the kitchen fumbling with the pots, and stepped around the corner to peer over the kitchen counter that separated the kitchen from the living room. "What are you making?" he asked.

"Well," Hoseok said, rubbing his eyes and stifling a yawn, "first I'm just going to try to boil water."

Minhyuk laughed as Jooheon claimed the bathroom after him. Hyunwoo emerged shortly after, standing awkwardly in the middle of the living room for a few beats, his hands stuffed into the front pocket of his hoodie, before joining Hoseok in the kitchen to help him make whatever it was he was going to try to make.

The bedroom was still dim when Minhyuk entered, and he closed the door behind him to ward off the bustle of noise as it began to grow louder. He stood up on his toes to try to peer over the edge of the top bunk, where Kihyun was still a lump under his covers, only the back of his head visible on top of his pillow. They'd all gone back to dark hair for their most recent comeback. 

"Kihyunnie? You up?"

The lump moved, and the sheets ruffled, but Kihyun didn't respond. 

Minhyuk said, "I'll keep the lights off, then," not letting himself worry just yet.

He tried to be quiet as he rummaged through the pile of clothes on his bed for a clean hoodie and sweats, pulling them on quickly. Then he stepped out of the room again, shutting the door gently, ushering for the others to lower their voices. They all looked at him with questions in their eyes.

"Hyung," Changkyun asked, "is he okay?"

Minhyuk waved a hand in Changkyun's direction as he joined Hoseok and Hyunwoo in their small kitchen, shouldering past them to open the cupboards and dig through the shelves for tea. "I'm sure he's fine," he whispered over his shoulder at their youngest, who had followed him to the kitchen counter, leaning over it with a frown on his face.

"He had a rough vocal recording session last night," Changkyun said. 

"I'm sure he's fine," Minhyuk said again. "I'll ask. Don't worry." He smiled when he found the peach flavored tea that Kihyun liked, pulling out a packet. "Hoseok, can you pass me a mug?"

"Of course." The mug seemed to appear in Minhyuk's hand, like Hoseok had prepared it in advance. Maybe he had. He was as attuned to Kihyun's moods and feelings as Minhyuk, maybe even more so. Maybe that's why he'd been boiling the water.

Minhyuk prepared the tea in the mug, the fragrance wafting throughout the room. 

"Let us know if we can help," Hyunwoo said, his eyes still half-closed. 

Minhyuk looked around at his team, at the other members, and felt a rush of affection for each and every one of them. He was lucky -- so, so lucky. They really did all genuinely care for each other. He thought he could hide his worry from them but who was he kidding? As soon as everyone awoke and Kihyun wasn't up to greet them with breakfast, they probably all realized it was going to be a quiet day. They had practice later in the afternoon, but that was all. If Kihyun wasn't feeling up to it, Minhyuk would tell Hyunwoo, and Hyunwoo would tell their manager that Kihyun was sick, and it would be okay. Minhyuk plastered a smile on his face. "I love you guys," he said.

Changkyun pulled a face, sticking out his tongue. "No need to get sappy," he said. Behind him in the living room, Hyungwon chimed in his agreement, but Hoseok was smiling as he hip-checked Minhyuk gently to be on his way.

Armed with the mug of tea in hand, Minhyuk approached their bedroom again and opened the door. The air was so still. He stood on his toes to check that Kihyun was still in bed, and found that he hadn't moved an inch. Minhyuk pushed the door closed with his shoulder and said, "I brought some tea, Kihyunnie."

The lump on the bed shifted, but again there was no response. Minhyuk didn't mind. He was patient, and this was familiar. He put the tea on the desk beside the bottom bunk, his bed, and then he climbed the ladder to be closer to the other boy, stopping just before he could climb onto the mattress.

"Kihyunnie? Can I join you?"

He could see from this angle that Kihyun was awake, and staring at the wall. His brows were furrowed, his lips pressed together, tense. Minhyuk had little doubt that under the covers, Kihyun's arms were crossed, that he'd curled up tight with his knees to his chest. He waited.

Kihyun finally said, "Okay," in a small voice. Minhyuk resisted the urge to coo at him like a parent would a small child, or a pet owner would their pet, to praise him for responding. Kihyun had told him once that it felt condescending when he was down. But other times, he liked it. It was hard to explain. Minhyuk had nodded, tried to understand, and didn't push his boundaries. 

He climbed the rest of the way onto the bed, being careful not to squish Kihyun with his movements as he tried to position himself behind Kihyun, curling around his form. They just breathed together for a bit, Minhyuk playing with Kihyun's dark hair with his fingers. He loved Kihyun's hair. He loved everything about Kihyun, really. Even the difficult things.

He scooted closer and tighter around Kihyun and felt the other boy relax incrementally. He wished he could just smooth out the wrinkle in Kihyun's brow forever, take away all the thoughts building up behind the wall that was Kihyun's skull with something as simple as a kiss. "What is it today?" he asked quietly, looping an arm around Kihyun's waist.

Kihyun thought, his shoulders thin and tight. "Four," he said. "Maybe a three."

"That's better than a one," Minhyuk responded brightly. "Or a zero."

There had only been one Zero day that Minhyuk had experienced, and that was during Fighter promotions. It had been hard to witness, hard to understand. Things had been good until suddenly they weren't, and Kihyun was hurting so deep he was barely functioning. Minhyuk, at multiple points throughout the day, had made it a point to check that Kihyun had still been breathing. When it passed a few days later -- no, when it became bearable -- Kihyun had apologized for worrying them. It's not really that bad, he'd said. He's been dealing with it for a long time. It came and went, like an old friend.

"I'm tired," Kihyun whispered, his voice scratchy. "I'm sorry. Just tired."

"That's okay," Minhyuk said. "You can be tired. Take it easy today."

"We have practice," Kihyun said. His voice broke towards the end, and he curled up again, defensive. 

Minhyuk coaxed him to relax, rubbing his hand slowly up and down Kihyun's side. "Hyunwoo can talk to the manager. You can rest. You don't have to go."

Kihyun whimpered and said, "I hate that you make these concessions for me."

"Shh," Minhyuk said. "They're not concessions. You get sick, you rest. You're sick, so you rest."

"I'm not sick," Kihyun insisted. "Just stupid."

"Hey, hey." Minhyuk couldn't help easing Kihyun into turning around, adjusting their bodies and the covers so that they were facing each other, and finally Minhyuk could look into Kihyun's eyes. The irises were a deep, rich color, so beautiful it stole Minhyuk's breath away. "Don't talk like that. I hate it when you talk like that."

"I can't help it," Kihyun said. He frowned and looked up at Minhyuk, eyes glistening. "I'm sorry."

Minhyuk sighed, cupping Kihyun's face in his hands and rubbing his thumbs over his cheeks. Kihyun's skin was so soft they felt like flower petals. Minhyuk wondered when the exact moment was that he fell in love with him, or if it could be a singular moment at all. Was it after their debut? During the filming of their survival show? Was it during Fighter promotions when he saw how fragile Kihyun was and could be, and then how strong he was to push on through difficult practices and draining stages despite this? Was it all of these moments in a kaleidoscope, so intertwined that you couldn't tease one instance from another? 

"Take a breath," he said, breathing slower so that Kihyun could follow him if he wanted. "First of all, I love you." He kissed Kihyun's forehead, and Kihyun's eyelids fluttered closed at the contact. "Second, don't worry about practice yet. We've got time. What do you want to do right now?"

Kihyun slowly wrapped his arms around Minhyuk's waist. The wrinkle in his brow was still there. Minhyuk lifted a hand and pressed a finger to it, smoothing it out and smiling. The tension released as Kihyun tried to relax his face. "I want to drink the tea you made me," he said.

Minhyuk kissed his forehead again, where there was no longer a wrinkle. "Great. Should I go get it? You want to drink it in your bunk?"

Kihyun nodded, and with a final kiss, Minhyuk wriggled out of Kihyun's hold, clambering over the mattress to crawl down the ladder to pick up the mug of now-lukewarm tea he'd left on the desk. He lifted it up over the bunk. "It's here, Kihyunnie."

The mug was taken from his hands. He heard the covers shift again as he made his way up the ladder. Kihyun was sitting against the wall, huddled up with his knees up against his chest, his hair a black fluff over his head. Carefully, Minhyuk sat next to him, also against the wall, their shoulders touching. 

Kihyun drank the tea in tiny sips, offering some to Minhyuk, and they shared the mug between them. It was quiet. Minhyuk could hear the other boys walking around in the living room and kitchen, heard doors opening and shutting, the sounds of the shower running. He smelled ramyun bubbling away on the stove. Kihyun leaned his head on Minhyuk's shoulder and gave the mug to Minhyuk to hold. They'd finished it. 

"Thank you," Kihyun whispered. "I love you, too."

Minhyuk looped his arm behind Kihyun's back so that his hand could rest of the smaller boy's waist. He smiled at him, and the smile was returned almost shyly. "What do you want to do now?" he asked.

"What do _you_ want to do?" Kihyun returned, fiddling with the cuffs of the long sleeves of his shirt.

"I want to kiss you," Minhyuk said boldly. 

Kihyun tilted his head to the side and said, "Okay," so Minhyuk leaned the empty mug carefully against the wall where it met the mattress, cupped Kihyun's face between his hands, and kissed him.

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by [this talk](https://twitter.com/rollerchaester/status/829564341162700802) kihyun shared with us recently. i think i saw somewhere that the translation is more along the lines of 'melancholy', but i'm still really proud of him for sharing. mental health is so often overlooked :( i hope he's really feeling better now.
> 
> thanks for reading! comments are appreciated. come talk to me on twitter @andnowforyaya
> 
> for the 'canon' square in mxbingo


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